This is probably my favorite line from Star Wars. The Jedi master, Yoda, lays it out for young Skywalker. Either do it or quit whining about it. Luke finally tells Yoda that he asks for the impossible and Yoda very quietly shows him that it is not impossible.
This gets me thinking about life. I mean, what doesn't? Anyway, why is it that some people can easily overcome adversity, while others struggle and struggle. I heard on the radio someone present the problem this way. "Why is it that I'm 6'4" tall and weigh 240 lbs, yet I'm not a great athlete like all those professional basketball and hockey players that are 6'4" and weigh the same 240 lbs." It's got to be something in the DNA or in the brain chemicals that make us different, right?
I look at my kids and although they have the exact same parents, they are as completely different as two siblings could be. One likes spicy food, the other wants it bland. One takes risks, the other doesn't. You know, as a parent I like to think I'm giving them both the same equal safe and healthy environment. Yet, they're different.
I came to realize over this Christmas break that I'm on a journey of self-discovery. My life drastically changed when I became a stay at home Dad and it has taken a long time to adjust to that role. But I've found through reading my blogging, that I like it when things don't change. So how have I reacted to this tremendous upheaval in my life? Well, I began by resenting it a little bit. I also realized I wasn't satisfied with how things turned out. Then I suffered from "good ole' day syndrome". Now I find myself challenging the precepts that have shaped my life and made the man I am today.
I'm sure a psychologist could explain to me in 8 easy steps what has happened to me, but I think God is trying to teach me something here. I think he's trying to help me grow up a little bit. I always used to pray about becoming that Man that I thought He wanted me to be. But I've realized over this last year, that the man I thought He wanted me to be isn't the man he's changing me into. I wanted to be a motivational speaker. I wanted to get the parent of the year award. But I think God wanted to push in the sides of this clay man and start over. Yep, I think God wants me to be something entirely different than what I initially thought.
Now, I haven't got it all figured out yet. Doubt I will really ever get there. But perhaps God is helping me to do something I have never really done before. Perhaps, He is helping me to become a guy who believes there is no "try", but rather just "do". I've always been great at starting things and never finishing them. In fact, part of me wanted to stop this blog, because it wasn't holding my interest. I had just about all the therapy I thought I needed. But now, I see this whole new horizon. It's like I lived my entire life on a mountain side and never saw the ocean. I feel like God has sent me to the other side of the mountain and there's this whole new world, this whole new way of looking at life. One that involves me trusting Him, instead of trusting myself all the time.
It's hard to explain. But maybe it's like "Boot Camp" in the military. First they break you, then they build you up again. With my parents passing away, I have become an orphan. But if you think about it, my heavenly Father is still there. It's like I worshiped my parents and our life, rather than worshiping Him.
So we're thinking about moving to Washington State. We even have a trip planned to get the lay of the land. There's a part of me that doesn't want to move. Again, I don't like change. But, there's this other part of me that is absolutely sure we'll move and he is completely terrified at the idea of that happening in the next 6-10 months. However, I think that's a good thing. Because if we move, my life will be perceptively, somewhat out of my control. I know as a Christian, it's not currently in my control, but my brain has a hard time convincing the rest of me to that contrary.
The next few months will prove to be interesting. But I do know that I will be learning how to trust God more and more. This surgery was the first step in the process I think. We'll see how it goes and I'll not give up on this blog. I'll keep all my rabid fans (all zero of them) in the loop.
Until next time, may the force be with you.