tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33015420929268190342024-03-13T15:02:16.129-07:00Dallas DaddyObservations from a stay at home Dad in Dallas TexasAdministratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-38405274828769469832011-05-12T08:19:00.000-07:002011-05-13T13:34:15.841-07:00School is OutAnother year of school is behind us. My kids did great. Their grades were all A's and they learned a ton. My son has what I think is a photographic memory which helps him with just about everything. He gets 100's on almost all of his testing. My daughter isn't that far behind and she doesn't seem to have the benefit of a photographic memory. They seem happy that they don't have to do any more homework. My daughter is going to miss her friends though.<br />
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Now that summer vacation is here, I have to come up with activities that will keep the kids busy. Otherwise, our house will be turned inside out. I pray the weather doesn't get too hot too soon. I hope we don't hit 100 until maybe the end of July, but I know that's a pipe dream. We've already had mid 90's and I just don't know what we'll do if it gets 100 on June 1st. <br />
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We're going to be packing away a lot of the kids' stuff into boxes so we can show our house. We're trying to sell it so we can move to Knoxville, TN. These last couple of months have kept their mother and I busy with house projects and the kids have been pretty great. They've found ways to occupy themselves while we painted and did other things. Anyway, the kids will have even less things to do around the house because most of it will be packed away. <br />
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It would be great if we could sell the house this summer and move to Knoxville. The timing may be tricky because we have to sell the house, find jobs, find a school and move all over summer vacation. Talk about change! But we feel that's what we need. <br />
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We had thought about moving to Washington, and although that was our favorite place, there aren't a lot of job opportunities. Plus, it's just so gray up there, weather-wise. So it looks like Knoxville is the place. We visited a couple of weeks ago and was shown around by our old friends from Dallas who also moved out to Knoxville, about 3 years ago. It was a lot of fun. <br />
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Not much to post these days. I have started another blog that keeps my attention these days. It's about my vasectomy and vasectomy reversal pain. It's been therapeutic and helped me sort out my thoughts on the pain I've had. So, that's why I have't been writing much over here at Dallas Daddy lately.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-20118201322781386782011-04-11T18:30:00.000-07:002011-04-11T18:30:36.130-07:00Male Bonding, Fishing and S'moresWe've had a lot of remodeling around the house. Our kitchen is finally almost done. Just have a little wall texture and painting to do. It looks great though. Almost makes us not want to move. But then we go outside and it's 90 degrees in March and we say, "Oh yeah, we're ready to get out of here". I feel bad because I haven't been able to help around the house with projects. My nerve pain just gets too intense. So I guess everyone knows now, my nerve pain is still with me.<br />
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I've decided to start an online journal for my post-reversal pain. It's a little too graphic for people I personally know to read, but it helps me keep track of my symptoms and gives me an outlet for my frustration. The online forum has also been helpful. They have really reached out and seem to genuinely care about my situation. Funny, but I find myself caring about theirs too. Quite a unique bond we have.<br />
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My son and I just returned from a church camp out. It was on somebody's farm so it wasn't like a real camp out. I thought it might be an opportunity to hook up with some of the men at church. With all we've had in our lives the last couple of years, I haven't really bonded with any men at church. But this weekend was not about church, per se for me and my son. Rather, it was just about me spending time with my boy. I have to say, from that standpoint, it was great. I got to see him catch a 19 inch bass out of the stock pond. Then he went on to catch about 5-6 more fish over the weekend. That was exciting for me to see. He handled it like a real pro.<br />
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I thought we were going to eat the 19 incher, but the proprietor never cooked it up for us. I hope they remembered to take it off the stringer. It was interesting to see my kid in an environment like this. He was basically free to be a crazy 9-year old around a bunch of other crazy 7-11 year olds. I was struck by some of the similarities and some of the very stark differences between the other kids and mine. <br />
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First of all, it struck me that my son is his own person. He doesn't really cowtow to anyone. Oh sure, he wants to be accepted, so he will unwittingly do stuff for unscrupulous kids and be snickered at by them. But overall, he has some interesting leadership qualities. It's like when he decides not to do something because he knows it's wrong, the other kids will follow his example. I think that's great and says a lot about his young character. Even when the older kids are snickering at him, he doesn't really care. He just plays along and then moves on to something else that doesn't involve the older kids. He's very mature I think, despite being so childish. But his childishness is more from a sense of being naive' rather then an outlook he has on life. <br />
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He still enjoys being a kid and that was great to see. We've taught them to be in no hurry about growing up and he seems to have taken that to heart. He still likes to play with his little sister. He still likes to put on a Superman cape and "fly" around the house as if he's about to rescue someone. But he also likes to read his Bible and he completes his homework by himself, with very little direction from me.<br />
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This little weekend trip the two of us went on was a refreshing look into what makes my boy who he is. It reminded me that he's still a kid, despite his mature outlook and conversation skills. That was important for me to see. I just hope he saw a dad who loves him very much and enjoys doing stuff with him, despite my little aches and pains.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-53764940808996631202011-03-27T13:36:00.000-07:002011-04-26T15:18:30.355-07:00Mini-MeI love my kids. I really do. But when do I love them the most? That's easy: 1) When they're asleep in bed and 2) when they're giving me a hug and they're telling me they love me.<br />
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But what about when they're not being little angels? When do parents love their kids least, or another way to put it, when do you parents get disappointed the most? Did your kid bring home a bad grade? Did they get in a fight with another student? There are lots of times to be disappointed in your kids. However, I look at those times as opportunities to instill character in your children. So maybe the question is, "When do I get disappointed in my kids"?<br />
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First let me say that I loved my mom and dad. I thought they were perfect parents. Of course, I've come to realize that my perception was tainted by the rose-colored glasses I wore as a child and young adult. My parents were better than most, but still human, still sinners, they still fell short in many respects. I was as different from my dad as any child could be. He didn't mind conflict, I want everyone to be at peace. He easily made decisions, I can't even pick out a restaurant on Friday night. After all, making a decision might create conflict and who wants to mess with all that?<br />
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I was more like my mom. She was kind of a wall-flower. People told her what to do and she didn't have any trouble going along. It didn't really matter to her either way, so if it meant someone else would be made happy, then so be it. In retrospect, my two sisters and myself grew up in a very extreme household. One parent was the unquestioned leader and the other was the unquestioned follower.<br />
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Let's fast forward many years. I am now an adult and very much like my mom - a follower. However, I have always aspired to be a leader. I know what qualities make a leader and I can identify specific moments in my childhood where my mom intervened in a situation. So here I am today, a peace keeping, lets all get along, sacrificial follower.<br />
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So to answer my question above, "<em>When am I most disappointed in my kids?"</em>, I would say it's when I see my kids acting like I did when I was their age. When I see my son, who is just like my mom and I, reacting to circumstances in the same way I did. He truly is a smaller version of me. He looks like me, laughs like me, has the same expressions I do, puts his emotions on his sleeve for all to see and is almost a perfect little clone. You could say he is a <em>Mini-Me</em>.<br />
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When I see him reacting or behaving as I did, I become angry at him. Sometimes I raise my voice and say to him, "<em>Do you know why I'm so angry right now?</em>". He has learned the drill by now and he responds with, "<em>Because you don't want me making the same mistakes you made when you were my age</em>".<br />
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That pretty much sums it up. I hate to see my kids repeat my mistakes. I hope they don't grow up paralyzed to make decisions. I hope they can handle conflict and stand up for themselves. I hope they don't get run over by bullies. I hope they don't take the easy way out, simply because it's easier. <br />
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Parents have lofty expectations for their children. I am no different. But we all need to understand that our children are, well, who they are. Sometimes they'll be a lot like us and sometimes they'll stand in complete contrast. Whichever the case, we need to remember that our expressions of love need to be front and center. Because if you love someone, then you don't focus on the disappointments, you focus on the love. <br />
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Imagine if God had just went around saying how badly we humans behaved and tried to get us to change our ways so he wouldn't be so disappointed all the time? Thank goodness he sent His son, Jesus, to be a payment for all that disappointment. Now he can just focus on loving us, because Jesus takes care of all that bad stuff.<br />
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So, I'll follow His example when I'm trying to figure out how to parent my kids. I'll stop focusing on the disappointment and just keep on loving my kids. I'll still try to train them up to be more outgoing than myself, but it won't make me angry anymore.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-64643725951073259632011-03-19T15:34:00.000-07:002011-03-19T15:45:59.029-07:00Purple Mountain's MajestyWhat a couple months this has been. First I have a vasectomy reversal. Then I'm considering going to a pain management specialist, because the nerve pain was almost unbearable. Then I get to feeling better. We travel to Washington state to see if that is where we want to move to. While there, the nerve pain returns (thanks to hours of sitting in the car driving). We fly home. Nerve pain stops. Now we're planning our next trip to Tennessee to see if that is where we want to possibly move. Quite a world-wind.<br />
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That was the big picture of what's been going on. Now let me break it down a little bit smaller by category.<br />
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Vasectomy pain - The nerve pain comes and goes. Today it came and I'm having some right now as I type. Very painful and frustrating. I wish the doc had told us about all the negative possibilities related to vasectomies before I had one. I'm trying some simple stretching and walking to see if that helps. I've also joined an online support group for those who have PVPS (post vasectomy pain syndrome). They are a good bunch of people. The men and their wives seem very supportive and they've taken me in. We all share an unfortunate common bond. Many have been reversed and have continued nerve pain, while others seem to have the worst behind them. They say it usually takes time before you start feeling really good. I hope to be one of those that feels better sooner than later. But by the grace of God go I.<br />
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Moving - Thanks to many family members, our house is closer to being ready to be put on the market. Still have lots to do and with my nerve pain, I'm still not sure how much I can speed along the process. We hung blinds today and the nerve pain stopped me cold in my tracks. I also had a lot of heart palpitations which took my breath away. I hope my heart doesn't start acting up. Not sure I could take it. Anyway, still have work to do, painting, kitchen, bathroom, landscape.<br />
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Trip to Washington - It was great except for two things. 1 - The nerve pain really was tough. 2 - It was very rainy and when it wasn't raining, it was pretty gray. Very little blue sky. Apparently, even in the rain shadow of the peninsula, there isn't a lot of rain, but there isn't a lot of sunny blue skies either, in the winter time at least. It sounds like late May through early September is the time you want to be there, otherwise, it's gray and wet. We found several cool beaches on the Puget Sound and were even in a snow blizzard up in the Olympia mountains. We went from 51 degrees and partly sunny skies to below freezing and in "white-out" conditions. Our car was literally stuck on the road and we had to carefully put the car in reverse to get back down the mountain. Very scary when you consider the road isn't very wide and if you go off the edge, it's about a 200 foot drop to the bottom. But we survived and had a great time. Next, Tennessee - hopefully it isn't too hot there in the summer.<br />
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Kids - They stayed at their uncle and aunt's house while we were gone. We missed them every single day and wished on numerous occasions that they had come with us. It was nice to be reunited with them. We did a little left over homework these last couple of days and are looking forward to spending the rest of the weekend with them before school starts back up again next week. They start their last quarter of the school year on Monday. Can't believe it's gone so fast. Our kids are really great. They love us and enjoy our company. What more can you ask for I guess? They are obedient most of the time and are respectful of others. Like my dad used to say, "I can't believe the good Lord blessed me with such a wonderful family!". I truly don't deserve any blessing he sends my way. But I guess that's why it's called Grace - truly unmerited favor. <br />
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I suppose that's all for now. I'll probably think of something later to post about family stuff, but right now, I just wanted to get this out there. Besides, I think I should go on my walk pretty soon. Maybe that will help the nerve pain go away a little bit?Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-33637991366647879072011-02-12T15:21:00.000-08:002011-02-12T15:45:43.490-08:00"Ch...Ch...Ch...Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes" - David BowieLife is about, if nothing else, <strong>changes</strong>. Just when you get comfortable, life comes along and throws you a curve ball. Seldom, have I ever been able to plan out everything to the point where it goes off without a hitch. That's just the way it is. As you get older, you realize certain things. Some are great and some, not-so-much.<br />
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Well, when I quit my job and became a SAHD (stay-at-home-dad), my life changed. As I said recently, it took just over a year to adjust to the change. My outlook needed rebuilding, my understanding of expectations needed retooling and my concept of my role in the family needed tweaking. My wife challenged me the other day about my outlook on life. Now granted, she said that while I was holding an ice pack over my <em><u>post-op regions</u></em>, so I really couldn't, nor felt much like disagreeing with her just then. However, I am hopeful that once I get healed up, I will be much more fun to be around. <br />
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This got me thinking about how people deal with change. My <strong>old boss</strong>, for instance, had some changes to deal with also in the last couple of years. He had to adjust not having me at work. Okay, so maybe that wasn't a big change for him. But his wife changed her role at her work and found herself at home a lot more. I recently visited my old work to catch up a little and began to think about him for some reason. <br />
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I wonder if he thinks his wife is all that great now, because she's no longer a high rolling administrative type, suit wearing boss. Now that she is more of a worker bee, does he find her as attractive? She's home a lot more, so I wonder if he finds her a little more "needy" of his affection. I wonder how their dynamic has changed over the last year or so, since her job change. <br />
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I know at first there is a little honeymoon period as there becomes an abundance of free time. It can be intoxicating at first, but then, it slowly, and without any notice, becomes a rope around your neck. Tightening it's grip, suffocating your inspiration and enthusiasm. <br />
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You see, I'm convinced that <strong>inactivity</strong> breeds discontent and apathy for you and by those around you. If you happen to be well grounded in your beliefs and have strong feelings for your family, then it may not be as disagreeable or challenging, or at least, it may take a little bit longer before it starts to erode your relationships. But, if you allow the outcomes of the new situation to dictate your actions or feelings, then you've got some trouble-a-brewin'. <br />
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I feel blessed, in that our faith in our <strong>Lord</strong> helps us through these times. It grounds us a little bit each day, keeping us from getting caught up in the roller-coaster emotional ride that accompanies severe change. I hope my former boss and his wife can find that peace. I hope they can sort out their new feelings and situational outcomes based on something bigger than themselves. Something that can see them through any challenge or any situation where they say to each other, "<em>You're not fun anymore</em>" or "<em>You've changed and I don't like the new you</em>". Otherwise, the seeds of discontent will grow in the robust fertilizer of this world.<br />
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Again, not sure why I'm blogging about my <strong>old boss</strong>, other than it just seemed like the thing to do. Since our change, I'm noticing that I've developed a keener interest in other people's lives and how they cope. I'm always curious to see how other people handle challenges. It keeps me sharp and helps me to look at myself. Helps me to make sure I'm not making similar mistakes. And makes me a little more willing to step out on that limb and help them, if I sense they're struggling. So until next time remember...<br />
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Life is like making chili. If you don't add a little spice and a little heat, you're just going to be eating raw meat - which will make everyone sick.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-76015371777460899082011-02-07T14:23:00.000-08:002011-02-09T06:32:12.737-08:00Vasectomy Reversal 6 Week Follow-UpOkay, again, since nobody is reading this blog, I can be completely honest about my vasectomy reversal for Post Vasectomy Pain Syndrome. My surgery was about 6 weeks ago and I have people ask me all the time, "How are you doing?". <br />
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Well, the simple fact is, it depends on when you ask me. Sometimes, I have a little pain "here" and sometimes I have a little pain "there". I'm not sure why I'm not completely pain free yet. But I'm hoping I will continue to have more days with less pain. I never took any anti-inflammatory medicine because of my heart condition. So, perhaps things would be a little further along if I was able to take Celebrex or even Ibuprofen. But no sense whining about it because I just can't take them. <br />
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Well, where does that leave me? Good question. My doctor says I'm progressing as to be expected. He also told me that I am no longer shooting blanks. Looks like it's time for the wife to take a trip to her doctor for a change. But that wasn't why I had the reversal as anyone who knows me will tell you. The post-vasectomy pain syndrome was getting a little too much to deal with. I remain hopeful that my reversal will be a tool that will fix the problem I had. (Yes, I said 'had' in hopes that it is in a state of past-tense). I suppose only time will tell. <br />
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Anyway, I think I've decided that I should start walking on the treadmill again. Laying around for months on end with no end in sight does not appeal to me. Maybe the more I walk, the more blood flow I'll have and the less inflammation I'll experience. I would imagine part of the muscle pain and aches I've been experiencing are related to this last 6-month period of inactivity. With my kid's baseball season fast approaching and a house to get ready to sell, I've got to get the "rust knocked off" quickly. <br />
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Lord willing, I'll be able to start my aerobic exercise and begin to feel markedly better. It's amazing how inactivity can cause your body to hurt. You would think that laying around would make your body feel better, but it doesn't seem to work out that way. After all, we're machines that were meant to work. Time to start feeding this machine and get it out of the repair shop.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-10616190993180483252011-01-20T15:50:00.000-08:002011-01-20T15:50:58.621-08:00Do or Do Not, There is NO TryThis is probably my favorite line from Star Wars. The Jedi master, Yoda, lays it out for young Skywalker. Either do it or quit whining about it. Luke finally tells Yoda that he asks for the impossible and Yoda very quietly shows him that it is not impossible. <br />
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This gets me thinking about life. I mean, what doesn't? Anyway, why is it that some people can easily overcome adversity, while others struggle and struggle. I heard on the radio someone present the problem this way. "Why is it that I'm 6'4" tall and weigh 240 lbs, yet I'm not a great athlete like all those professional basketball and hockey players that are 6'4" and weigh the same 240 lbs." It's got to be something in the DNA or in the brain chemicals that make us different, right?<br />
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I look at my kids and although they have the exact same parents, they are as completely different as two siblings could be. One likes spicy food, the other wants it bland. One takes risks, the other doesn't. You know, as a parent I like to think I'm giving them both the same equal safe and healthy environment. Yet, they're different.<br />
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I came to realize over this Christmas break that I'm on a journey of self-discovery. My life drastically changed when I became a stay at home Dad and it has taken a long time to adjust to that role. But I've found through reading my blogging, that I like it when things don't change. So how have I reacted to this tremendous upheaval in my life? Well, I began by resenting it a little bit. I also realized I wasn't satisfied with how things turned out. Then I suffered from "good ole' day syndrome". Now I find myself challenging the precepts that have shaped my life and made the man I am today. <br />
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I'm sure a psychologist could explain to me in 8 easy steps what has happened to me, but I think God is trying to teach me something here. I think he's trying to help me grow up a little bit. I always used to pray about becoming that Man that I thought He wanted me to be. But I've realized over this last year, that the man I thought He wanted me to be isn't the man he's changing me into. I wanted to be a motivational speaker. I wanted to get the parent of the year award. But I think God wanted to push in the sides of this clay man and start over. Yep, I think God wants me to be something entirely different than what I initially thought. <br />
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Now, I haven't got it all figured out yet. Doubt I will really ever get there. But perhaps God is helping me to do something I have never really done before. Perhaps, He is helping me to become a guy who believes there is no "try", but rather just "do". I've always been great at starting things and never finishing them. In fact, part of me wanted to stop this blog, because it wasn't holding my interest. I had just about all the therapy I thought I needed. But now, I see this whole new horizon. It's like I lived my entire life on a mountain side and never saw the ocean. I feel like God has sent me to the other side of the mountain and there's this whole new world, this whole new way of looking at life. One that involves me trusting Him, instead of trusting myself all the time. <br />
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It's hard to explain. But maybe it's like "Boot Camp" in the military. First they break you, then they build you up again. With my parents passing away, I have become an orphan. But if you think about it, my heavenly Father is still there. It's like I worshiped my parents and our life, rather than worshiping Him.<br />
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So we're thinking about moving to Washington State. We even have a trip planned to get the lay of the land. There's a part of me that doesn't want to move. Again, I don't like change. But, there's this other part of me that is absolutely sure we'll move and he is completely terrified at the idea of that happening in the next 6-10 months. However, I think that's a good thing. Because if we move, my life will be perceptively, somewhat out of my control. I know as a Christian, it's not currently in my control, but my brain has a hard time convincing the rest of me to that contrary.<br />
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The next few months will prove to be interesting. But I do know that I will be learning how to trust God more and more. This surgery was the first step in the process I think. We'll see how it goes and I'll not give up on this blog. I'll keep all my rabid fans (all zero of them) in the loop.<br />
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Until next time, may the force be with you.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-30342910688219031172011-01-14T15:04:00.000-08:002011-01-14T15:09:26.141-08:00Surgery ExplainedI'm now 3 weeks post-op and feeling better. Okay, since nobody reads this blog I can safely speak my mind about the surgery I had. <br />
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First of all, let me tell any passer's-by that vasectomies are completely overrated. Did you know that roughly 15% will develop what's called <strong>Post Vasectomy Pain</strong> syndrome? Yes, that has the word "pain and syndrome" in it together. A very ugly combination. Another description is Epididymitis. That's the inflammation of the epididymous which is the holding chamber for those millions of little guys. Look this up on the net and you'll get an idea of what someone deals with who has this condition. <br />
Well, guess what? That's exactly what I was dealing with. I've had it now for 6 years and let me tell you, it is a major pain in the... well, you know. Thanks to God I didn't have typical PVP which is constant never ending pain, but rather I had atypical PVP every six months or so. Anyway, I had my vasectomy reversed prior to Christmas, hoping that God would use that surgery to relieve my pain and symptoms. So far, so good. But please, if anyone you know is considering a vasectomy, don't do it. It's just not worth the risk.<br />
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There, I've spoken my mind on the issue and I feel liberated. Lord willing, I will be symptom free for the rest of my life. According to the scientific literature, a reversal only has about a 65% success rate, so I'm hoping the good Lord above will help me out. In fact, if this works at all, it will be because of Him - and that's all there is to that.<br />
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There, now the whole world knows.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-16807126928021326172010-12-27T13:49:00.000-08:002010-12-27T13:49:50.734-08:00Christmas LessonsAnother year, another Christmas has passed me by. This year, it went by at the speed of light. No "<em>Christmas Carol</em>" or "<em>It's a Wonderful Life</em>". In fact, I had a surgery the day before Christmas Eve. Now, isn't that exciting? So here I am, two days post Christmas and I'm taking stock of what has transpired these last few days.<br />
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Despite my surgery, I wanted to make a point of ensuring the <u>normalcy</u> of Christmas day. And as it played out before me, I think my wife and I pulled off a normal Christmas for the kids. I think that is important for kids. They don't really care that I had surgery (well sort of), anyway, they just want their lives to be normal. <br />
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I believe this is what my parents did so well, although, maybe they did it too well. You see, I thought my childhood was normal. My parents didn't provide any evidence to us to make us believe the contrary. We lived in a middle-class house, in a middle-class town. My parents had middle-class jobs and we lived a very normal middle-class life. <br />
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But as I think back on it, I noticed several difficult decisions my parents had to make. They needed to decide on whether to move cross country or be without employment. They made this decision three times. They also had a rough patch in their marriage which we were <em>relatively</em> insulated from. Sure they seperated for a few months, but in the end, were able to work things out and restructure our normal life. They never really talked about these difficult decisions with us kids. They never let on what challenges they were facing, many of which were life-altering. We just continued to live the "<em>Leave it to Beaver</em>" sit-com life.<br />
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Now that I'm an adult, I am wondering how far we should pull the curtain back for our kids. Do they need full disclosure; partial disclosure? What is appropriate for them? I think we've decided that partial exposure is healthy. We believe they need to know that life is not perfect. Life isn't some make-believe tale that always has a happy ending. There are difficult things to overcome when you become an adult. If you protect your children too much then you're just asking for trouble later, or worse, they won't be equipped to handle situations as adults. I can honestly say, I was poorly equipped to handle many of the hardships I've faced as an adult, because my parents simply kept me in the dark. <br />
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I'm re-reading a book by Donald Miler called <em><u>Blue Like Jazz</u></em>. The title has really nothing to do with the content of the book, other than it's abstract, much like the book itself I guess. In one of the chapters, he discusses the idea of pride. As Christians, we all know that pride is bad. In fact, the bible tells us that God wants us to walk humbly with him, which would obviously, exclude any pride you may have. But what I like about the book is the way Miller talks about pride. Not in the usual patting yourself on the back way, but rather in how we judge people. <br />
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The example he gives is how we feel pity for someone who uses foodstamps. We feel sorry for them and want to help them because they're poor. But the government is already buying them food, what we want to do is buy them dignity. After all, how could anyone have dignity if they needed charity, as well? I find this mind-opening stuff. <br />
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I say to myself, "<em>I think I want to live the life my mom and dad had, because if I don't, then I can't have any dignity</em>". I associate dignity with middle-class living. If I don't at least live up to that standard, then I am in some way, not good enough. Sadly, I have judged people according to this same off-putting standard. My sisters, their kids, my in-laws, my patients, my neighbors, and the list goes on and on. Why is it so difficult to accept people where they are in life and not compare them to some self-imposed benchmark? <br />
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So this Christmas I got lots of DVDs and that's about it. However, I also got this new way of looking at life. I hope to help my kids avoid the traps that I have discovered myself stuck in. I hope to navigate away from these snares and accept people for what and where they are. After all, we're all sinners in need of a savior. We all fall short of God's standard because we all want to do things "our way". So won't you walk with me, this humble little stroll with our Lord, and put off the things of this world? <br />
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Be comforted and find acceptance in His grace which we so desperately need at this time of year.<br />
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Merry Christmas and happy New Year.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-53561641106581548072010-12-15T07:11:00.000-08:002010-12-15T07:11:41.684-08:00Why Don't You Lay Down on the CouchOkay, so it's been a while since I last blogged over hear on Dallas Daddy. I would say, "I'm sorry" to my readers, that is if I had any. I have to admit, it's been a struggle to continue to blog knowing there is nobody reading these rants. But since the blog was supposed to be therapy for me so I could get through the task of being a stay at home Dad, it must say that I'm adjusting to my new role since I haven't blogged in a while.<br />
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Let me first get "all my readers" updated on what's been going on. First in the life of my kids.<br />
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Well, they're doing great. Today is their last day of school before Christmas break. My son is doing well and continues to shine academically. He's learning Latin and just finished making a castle for his history project. He constantly amazes me. He is able to read and study things one time and he's got it. His capacity for recall with understanding is truly unbelievable. He memorizes his bible scripture within 5 minutes. He gets concepts immediately, meanwhile, I have to reread it several times just to teach it to him. I hope this ability stays with him as it will serve him well as he goes through the higher levels of school. <br />
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My daughter is also doing well in school. She brought home 4 tests Monday that she had received all 100%'s on. I was concerned that she might not have the chops to keep up with her brother, but she has surprised me. You can tell it doesn't come as "naturally" to her, but she continues to do well. But what she is really good at, is singing. She is constantly singing around the house. She adds her own lyrics to everyday tunes. I catch her in her room, singing songs with her door closed. The cool thing is, she's really good. I'm not sure where she gets it as I can't even carry a tune in my suitcase. My wife sings well, but our daughter takes it to a whole new level.<br />
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She is scheduled to sing the solo for "<em>Happy Birthday Jesus</em>" in church this coming Sunday. She tells us that she's a <u>little nervous</u>, but I think I'm more nervous than she is. As a parent, you just hope she doesn't freeze up and start crying during the song. But then there's a part of you that thinks she'll hit it out of the ballpark. Then maybe <strong><em>American Idol</em></strong> comes a calling and 3 gold records later, you've got that mansion on the hill - all courtesy of God's gift to your child. Seriously though, this church solo gives us an opportunity to talk to her about how we use the gifts God gives us to glorify him. So when she's singing, she's really singing to the Lord. I think that helps take some of the nervousness away. At least, for me it does. <br />
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Time for my observation about parenting. My kids are now at that age where they ask tons of questions. I used to be driven crazy by the constant, "Daddy, Daddy". Now it's, "Daddy, why...?" or "Daddy, what...?". And then when you answer that question, there's another follow-up question or two or three. They are so inquisitive and feed on each other's curiosity.<br />
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As an adult, I find that my curiosity is a bad thing, but when you're a kid, that's how you learn. I think, that's part of the innocence of being a child. You are naturally curious and your brain just feeds on information. But when you're an adult, your curiosity feeds a distraction or an illusion/fantasy. I know a lot of adults who turn to the internet to satisfy their curiosities. I think that's the biggest difference in our culture from our parents'. They might be curious about something, but have no avenue to explore it. Whereas, we get the answer in a millisecond on Google. <br />
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Not to have <em><u>good ole' day syndrome</u></em>, <strong>AGAIN</strong>, but...that's what I liked about my parent's generation. Sure they gave us green leisure suits and horrible mustaches', but I hate this curiosity marketplace we find ourselves in today. Everything has such a sense of immediacy and gratification. I just can't stand it.<br />
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Okay, another rant done by Dallas Daddy. I have a busy next couple of weeks with Christmas shopping, website publishing, retirement planning and surgery. Quite a combination, huh? Normally, I'd be looking forward to the first 3 more then the surgery, but I'm hoping the surgery will fix a chronic physical ailment I've had for about 6 years. I'll let you know how it all turns out. <br />
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But don't expect another blog between now and then, not that anyone is reading this boring diatribe to begin with.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-51733937522475515972010-11-04T20:26:00.000-07:002010-11-04T20:33:07.975-07:00Tick-Tock, Tick-TockI can't believe it's already November. Hard to believe that I'm coming up on a year's worth of blogging. You know, it was fun at first, but at times it kinda drains my energy. It's also becoming harder and harder to come up with ideas to blog about. But every once in a while, it hits you like a train. <br />
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Well, it finally rained in north Texas yesterday. Not that big of a deal, I know. But it got me thinking about time, if you can believe that. Well, why did the rain make me think about time you ask? Well, because I began to wonder when the last time it was that I watered my yard. It seemed like it was just last week. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it had been since August since I watered my front lawn. No wonder the plants all died!<br />
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Anyway, I've begun to realize that as I get older, life moves by at a much faster pace. In fact, I was utterly surprised to discover the first quarter of school was over. It seemed like they just started school a few weeks ago and now it's almost Thanksgiving! Geesh, where does the time go?<br />
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I've always known that time waits for no man (or woman) and that time goes by much faster as you get older...but this fast? So I've got some advice. Think of it as stopwatch wisdom from someone who sees the second-hand zipping by. <br />
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1. Stop for a moment and look at your life. Don't get overly crazy or insightful about this exercise, just pause and reflect, and repeat this every so often. When you do this, don't get depressed or excited. Just be objective and change course as needed.<br />
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2. Begin to appreciate the time and people in your life. Sure you might be angry at them right now, but they're going to be in your life for as long as YOU live. May as well make the best of it. The earlier the better.<br />
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3. Forgive anyone who has wronged you and learn to let go of the past. Heck, maybe you need to let go of the present too. Life is too short to be carrying all this baggage around.<br />
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4. Don't get caught up in yourself and your problems. Other people have worse problems than you do and would be happy to exchange them. Go ahead and try to work out what's troubling you, but don't let it consume you to the point you lose sight of what's <strong><u>really important</u></strong>. Cause I'm here to tell ya, you aint gettin' those days back.<br />
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5. Don't be afraid to put down roots and be a member of the community. Living for something in the future only means you're wasting your <u><em>present</em></u>. Trust me, you don't want to waste the <em><u>present</u></em> that the Lord gives you. Get it?<br />
<em>present</em> (a tense) : <em>present</em> (gift). (I know, I know, I won't do it again.)<br />
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So make the most of the day. Try investing it in someone's life. And by all means, don't be selfish and try to keep it for yourself. If I've learned anything else other than time marches on, is that the more you give, the more you get.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-2606913881051548952010-10-25T06:57:00.000-07:002010-10-28T13:52:47.512-07:00Friday Night Lights and Easy Bake Ovens<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://view.picapp.com/pictures.photo/creative/football-field-and/image/180984?term=high+school+football" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="Football field and bleachers" border="0" height="133" oncontextmenu="return false;" ondrag="return false;" onmousedown="return false;" src="http://view2.picapp.com/pictures.photo/image/180984/football-field-and/football-field-and.jpg?size=234&imageId=180984" title="Football field and bleachers" width="200" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Last weekend was a big one for us in the Dallas Daddy family. Our boy was invited to the sidelines of a high school football game. There he saw up close and personal what real football was like. Not the edited, break for commercial, NFL kind of football. But real, honest, in your face football.</div><div style="float: left;"></div><script src="http://view.picapp.com//JavaScripts/OTIjs.js" type="text/javascript">
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He saw great examples of great and poor sportsmanship. He saw a guy throw up on the sidelines and then run back into the huddle, not two minutes later. He heard the hitting and saw the bleeding. Overall, it was a great experience for him because he loves himself some football. Mom on the other hand, isn't so fired up about his obsession. She keeps telling him he'll make a great referee or sports announcer. After all the concussion talk this week in the NFL, I have to say, I'm right there with her. But he did have a great time and I don't think our boy will play too much serious football - unless, he's the place kicker. <br />
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But the best part of last Friday was how the high school invited him, and some of the other boys, to arrive early to take part in the pregame meal with the team. That was just too cool. He had pizza with the players. Since it was a christian school, they split off into groups to pray before the game as well. In fact, one of the boys who scored a touchdown, was our son's prayer partner before the game. This made it twice as special for our son as he was able to point out that number 44 was "his guy" from before the game.<br />
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One more thing happened on Friday. After I dropped our son off for the pregame meal, I went back home with my daughter and had a couple of hours to fill before the game started. I asked her what she wanted to do. She decided that she wanted to make muffins. Now, I'm no baker. My family would tell you that I barely qualify as a cook. So needless to say, I was a little nervous. But what could I do...she seemed so excited about the opportunity to get her hands dirty in the kitchen, I couldn't let her down.<br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://view.picapp.com/pictures.photo/archival/checking-the-cake-mix/image/3436526?term=little+girl+baking" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="A little girl licking a spoon covered in cake mix during a baking session, circa 1965. (Photo by L. Willinger/FPG/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)" border="0" height="200" oncontextmenu="return false;" ondrag="return false;" onmousedown="return false;" src="http://view3.picapp.com/pictures.photo/image/3436526/checking-the-cake-mix/checking-the-cake-mix.jpg?size=234&imageId=3436526" title="Checking The Cake Mix" width="139" /></a>So like a whirlwind, we attacked the kitchen. We found flour, sugar, eggs, frozen blueberries and away we went. Roughly 50 minutes later, we had muffins and you know, they weren't bad! I however, get none of the credit. My daughter did it all. It was like watching an episode of <strong><em>Master Chef</em></strong>. She was flawless and relentless as she measured and mixed the ingredients. I couldn't have been more proud of her. Not because of how the muffins tasted, but rather, just watching her pour herself into that task. I learned a lot that evening. </div><script src="http://view.picapp.com//JavaScripts/OTIjs.js" type="text/javascript">
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It would have been easier to turn the television on or tell her to go play something while Daddy enjoyed some "me-time". But as the Lord has been trying to tell me lately, when you're a parent it's not so much about you anymore, but rather the kids. Does the bald eagle tell it's crying chicks, "No food today. Mommy needs to sit down and relax, my wings are tired."? I'm guessing it doesn't work that way in the animal kingdom, so why should our kingdom be any different?Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-23793048210624556842010-10-14T12:17:00.000-07:002010-10-14T12:31:11.133-07:00Are You My Mommy?<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://view.picapp.com/pictures.photo/news/newborn-wild-ducklings/image/8594138?term=ducklings" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="Newborn wild ducklings paddle behind their mother in Nora river in La Fresneda, near Oviedo April 20, 2010. Picture taken April 20. REUTERS/Eloy Alonso (SPAIN - Tags: ANIMALS)" border="0" height="154" oncontextmenu="return false;" ondrag="return false;" onmousedown="return false;" src="http://view1.picapp.com/pictures.photo/image/8594138/newborn-wild-ducklings/newborn-wild-ducklings.jpg?size=234&imageId=8594138" title="Newborn wild ducklings paddle behind their mother in Nora river in La Fresneda" width="234" /></a><script src="http://view.picapp.com//JavaScripts/OTIjs.js" type="text/javascript">
</script> When many birds are first hatched, they are hard-wired to call whatever animal they see first, "Mom". This is called imprinting and is an innate behavior found in the genetics of the animal. This imprinting or bonding is fascinating, because every once in a while, the hatchling may imprint on a dog or person. Once this occurs, it is too late to go back, the toothpaste is already out of the tube. The young bird will follow that animal or person to the ends of the Earth.</div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Luckily, we humans don't have that genetic wiring. However, there is a similar phenomena that takes place with young children. I finally noticed it a few weeks ago.</div><br />
When I was working at the hospital, I used to get jealous of how the kids responded to their mother. I always thought, "<em>Hey, I'm a good Dad, why don't they ask me that question or let me help them?</em>". Instead, I was just the mobile playground that arrived at the house around 4 or 5 o'clock every day. <br />
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Well now that I'm home, I'm starting to notice a subtle change in that scenario. The other day, we were all sitting at the dinner table. I excused myself and left the room after I was done eating. I sat down to read something and I looked up to see my son standing right in front of me. He then said these magical words to me. "<em>Dad, can I have more chicken</em>?" I looked at him and began to wonder why he left the kitchen table to ask me that question when Mom was sitting right next to him. I looked over at his mom who just shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "<em>Well, I guess I don't rate around here anymore</em>".<br />
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Then the next day we were driving in the car. I happened to be driving. The kids then asked me a question instead of their mom. During the entire car ride, the kids never once initiated a conversation with their mom. Does this make them bad kids? No, it just sort of proves the point.<br />
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Our kids are used to having 1 parent around and so they develop a particularly strong bond with that one parent. When I worked, it was with their mom, now that she works, it happens to be with me. This is good to know for a couple of reasons.<br />
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1. It goes to show how the one imprinted parent must get away to have some kind of freedom from the smothering attention of their kids. Also, it creates an opportunity for the other parent to become imprinted on the kids.<br />
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2. It helps the parents understand that nobody is playing favorites. It's not a conscious decision the kids are making to ignore you, it's just they happen to have an extremely strong social bond with the home parent.<br />
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3. Finally, the working parent must work extra hard to develop those social bonds with the kids. It is easy to stay distanced from the kids when you work all day. Because often, you just want peace and quiet when you get home so you can unwind a little. Kids seldom let you have that peace and quiet.<br />
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So, if you feel like your kids are distancing from you as they get older, maybe it's not their fault. Maybe it's not "a phase" they're going through. Perhaps, you lacked the imprinting bond with your kids that they needed. There's an expression that says you need to spend quality time with your kids. As I think about it, I really believe it's quantity time. The more time you spend with your kids, the more they'll think you're the greatest. <br />
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As I think back to my childhood, we had a pretty intact family unit during my younger days, in spite of the fact, that both my parents worked full-time. We ate dinner together every night at the dinner table. We stayed around the house every weekend. We played games and watched TV together all the time. Seldom, were we farmed out to someone else to watch. As a result, we were a very loyal family.<br />
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So here's a recipe for family loyalty and bonding.<br />
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1 - Go to the grocery store with your kids - I know, I know, but just do it anyway<br />
2 - Eat at the dinner table together as a family at least 5 days a week<br />
3 - Go to church as a family - that means both spouses, not just the religious one<br />
4 - Parents, have your kids work in the yard and do chores with you on the weekends <br />
5 - Go out to eat once a week as a family - no cell phones - even if it's just to some local pizza dive<br />
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Let your kids know that you are their parents and that together, you are a family.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-92198654065591550942010-09-29T13:47:00.000-07:002010-09-29T13:52:29.803-07:00Mashed Potatoes<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://view.picapp.com/pictures.photo/creative/dish-mash-potatoes-dinner/image/5272717?term=mashed+potatoes" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="a dish of mash potatoes on a dinner table" border="0" height="200" oncontextmenu="return false;" ondrag="return false;" onmousedown="return false;" src="http://view3.picapp.com/pictures.photo/image/5272717/dish-mash-potatoes-dinner/dish-mash-potatoes-dinner.jpg?size=234&imageId=5272717" title="a dish of mash potatoes on a dinner table" width="200" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I remember when my wife was staying at home, she used to tell me how she was losing her mind. Not figuratively, but literally. I used to joke with her, but her laughing was nothing more than a veil of desperation. Now that I've gone past my 1 year anniversary of being a stay at home Dad, I find myself thinking the exact same thing. </div><div style="float: left;"></div><script src="http://view.picapp.com//JavaScripts/OTIjs.js" type="text/javascript">
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Oh sure, I blog and try to keep my mind active. I help the kids with their homework and try to read, but my brain feels like it's beginning to waste away. I believe there is something to work. The kind of work that keeps the mind sharp and the body moving. That is why I like healthcare so much. As a doctor, nurse, therapist, whatever, you get to see patients which keeps you active. You also get to solve little mysteries everyday. This keeps you on your toes for sure. <br />
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But when you are at home and the only activity you have to look forward to is cleaning the kitchen dishes or scrubbing the toilet, you tend to enjoy the simple lounging associated with staying at home. Even if I'm working out on the treadmill, that's still only 30-40 minutes of brisk activity.<br />
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By the same token, blogging about my failures as a parent and performing other <em>critical</em> computer stuff only occupies a few hours during the day. Most of the time I just end up wasting hours by looking at MSN or stock reports or useless bits of sports trivia. So staying at home doesn't lend itself to healthy living, unless you've got the money to go with it. But hey, like someone told me one time, very few have time and money. Usually, they just have one or the other.<br />
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As a reader noted yesterday about my previous blog, I misspelled obedience (several times). Unfortunately, <em><strong>Blogger</strong></em> doesn't have a spell-checker, oh well. As I continue to post, if you notice my spelling getting worse and my sentences becoming fragments, then let me know. I might be needing some kind of intervention or at the very least, a part-time job.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-60159672886748108232010-09-24T13:01:00.000-07:002010-09-24T13:02:25.406-07:00Popcorn's Ready!My wife and I took a parenting class when our kids were younger, much younger. It was called "<strong>Growing Kids God's Way</strong>". I have to say, it was a great class. As young parents, we learned a lot. One thing they stressed to us parents was the idea of <u>first time obediance</u>. Their idea was that you shouldn't have to ask a kid twice to do something. There should be no repeating the command or instruction. And without question, you should never say, "<em>I'm going to count to 3 and you'd better start doing what I told you, 1....2.....2 and a half.....</em>". <br />
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So needless to say, we've been a little stressed out because you often have to repeat yourself with kids. We never did the counting thing though and we're proud of that one. But we have repeated ourselves on more than one occassion, well make that, on more than a million occassions. Despite this glaring skeleton in our parenting closet, our kids are pretty good at obediance. They understand its meaning and why we do it. In fact, we used to tell them they were lucky to have parents who cared about them so much, that we actually expected obediance. We used to say there were some kids whose parents just didn't care enough about them to correct their mistakes. <br />
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Some may view this as a parental ploy or brainwashing, but if you think about it, it's true. We correct our children so they'll learn and not repeat the mistake. Like looking both ways before crossing the street or staying away from the stove when it's turned on. You care, so you correct. However, this idea of first time obediance and quick correction does come with a price. As a parent, you can become inpatient with your children. I just figured this out about a week ago, when our kids were not picking up the playroom in the time I thought it should have taken. As a result, I threw my hands up in disgust and told my kids they shouldn't even bother, because Mom and I would have had it picked up by now.<br />
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Pretty embarrassing, I know! Then it hit me. I had become an inpatient parent. Er, let me correct that last statement... I realized that I had been an inpatient parent for a long time. I began to think backwards and it hit me that I was expecting perfection from my children instead of expecting children who needed to be molded and guided through life. <br />
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Interestingly, I see this a lot when I look around. Parents going crazy because the child isn't perfect. I think this happens for a couple of reasons which I list in descending order, like <u>Letterman's Top 10</u>.<br />
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#3. Kids are influenced to disobediance by music and television<br />
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I see this on the Disney channel a lot. Now I don't have the Disney channel, so my sample size is kind of small. But it appears that a lot of the "tween" sitcoms represent the kids as being a lot smarter than their parents. They've always got some great scheme that is at work without their parents knowledge. They then get in and then out of hot water with their dumbed-down parents none the wiser. Now I know that I suffer from "good ole' day syndrome" most of the time, but I think every parent would admit that this trend has been in motion since television first started. It doesn't trend toward family values, but rather becomes more liberal, more cutting edge and tries to push the envelope or redefine normalcy. I remember listening to an actor on one of those entertainment shows 20 years ago. He said something that stuck with me, I'm paraphrasing here. He said, "<em>It's our job to push the envelope and challenge the status quo. We have the opportunity to change what defines society. That's what we do and that should always be our goal</em>."<br />
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#2. Parents are unsure of how to respond<br />
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Many parents seem to be afraid of what society will think of them. If they are in the grocery store and their kid starts to yell and scream, how does that parent feel? They feel embarrased, they feel the others in the store watching them are judging them, asking "<em>Why can't you control your child</em>?". In our class, we were taught that you do not tolerate temper outbursts. You punish your child because they are not behaving correctly. And the phase your child is going through, doesn't have to last very long. <br />
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However, when the tantrum happens in public, we're afraid to punish so we become Monty Hall and start making deals with our kids. <em>If you'll stop crying, Mommy will buy you some M&Ms</em>. Now we are no longer parenting but becoming glorified candy dispensers. With this comes more outbursts and more unhealthy relationships between the parent and child.<br />
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#1. The Evolution of the Microwave society<br />
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We live in the information age. If we want to learn something, we don't have to wait for the library to open or the class to start. All we have to do is get on the computer and presto - we've got the answer to our question. Are you hungry? No problem, we've got microwave dinners, soups and even dessert. Dinner in a tray in less than 8 minutes. We simply lack the patience to deal with problems. Not convinced, what about road rage? Why do people get angry on the road? Because they want to get there first, or at least a close second. <br />
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Families suffer from this same cultural phenomona. We want our children to be perfect and perfect right now. They should be able to read our minds and know what we want them to do. They should be able to anticipate our corrections. But alas, they're just kids. They're thinking about tackling monsters behind sofa cushions, not that they shouldn't have the sofa cushions on the floor. That never even enters the equation. Did it for you when you were a kid? <br />
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So we need to cut our kids some slack. Not expect perfection. We also need to be engaged in what they're doing and watching. Don't ignore them because you're exhausted from who knows what. You became a parent, probably because you wanted to be one. Now we need to step up and start acting like one. It's our job to guide our children through life. Love them enough to correct, but do it in a patient and loving way.<br />
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That's it for now. Hopefully, we all learned something this week and can become better parents as a result. Good luck and good parenting.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-77052941352210329162010-09-07T09:28:00.000-07:002010-09-07T09:39:20.433-07:00A Christmas Carol in September<div style="float: left;"></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: left; height: 0px; overflow: hidden;"></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><script src="http://view.picapp.com//JavaScripts/OTIjs.js" type="text/javascript">
</script>Okay, okay, I know I'm a grumpy old man. I've turned into Scrooge over the last 5 years. Not only is my cup half-empty, it might be three-fourths empty. So why am I so twisted inside? Why have I changed? Well, those are good questions, worthy of some good answers. But before I get to that, let me describe my experience with the kids the other day.</div><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://view.picapp.com/pictures.photo/creative/marley-ghost-appearing/image/7311015?term=A+christmas+carol" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="Marley's ghost appearing to Scrooge. Illustration by John Leech (1817-64) for Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol , London 1843-1844." border="0" height="324" oncontextmenu="return false;" ondrag="return false;" onmousedown="return false;" src="http://view2.picapp.com/pictures.photo/image/7311015/marley-ghost-appearing/marley-ghost-appearing.jpg?size=234&imageId=7311015" title="Marley's ghost appearing" width="234" /></a>I was sitting in the "man" chair in the living room, the one where the remote stays on the arm rest most of the time. It reclines and fits me perfectly. My wife seldom gets into it, but I have noticed my boy crawl up into it to try it on for size. Anyway, I was trying to watch some old war movie when I looked around for my kids. I wanted to make sure they weren't getting scared by the 1950's Hollywood representation of war (in black and white of course). Well, they were tucked away in the den playing Legos, marbles, house and some other toy that requires imagination. They were seemlessly integrating these 4 different toys into a massive game of pretend. They even had a couple of stuffed animals involved. </div><br />
I heard them talking for the animals and making all sorts of sounds to represent engines and falling people and it was just a thing to behold. As usual, that got me thinking about what is going through their heads. Kids' brains are just amazing. They are always thinking and imagining. Mine is always thinking to, but not in the same way. They seem to have no trouble making noises and developing story-lines and including their surroundings to accommodate the situations in their games. <br />
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What do we adults do? We tell them to "<em>settle down</em>", "<em>watch out for the fireplace</em>", "<em>quit rough-housing</em>", etc. We try to <strong>manage</strong> the situations, while children just seem to go with them. They have no inhibitions, while we are just all crumpled up with them. Much of these inhibitions I learned from my parents and other "helpful" adults. But are we being helpful when we put limitations on them?<br />
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Oh sure, I guess. We want to ensure their safety and make sure the vase doesn't break, but is that our real motivation? I can't help but think about the old story of a lobster who tried to crawl out of the lobster trap (they have no tops). But he couldn't because the other lobsters at the bottom kept pulling him back down. I wonder if we adults don't do that to our kids. We're old and crabby, so lets make our kids the same way. I don't think we're intentionally trying to do this, but we do it nevertheless.<br />
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So why am I crabby these days? As many of you know, I was diagnosed with a heart condition about 3 years ago and another chronic ailment 5 years ago which I won't get into now (trust me, you don't want to know). I believe my fear surrounding these two conditions has turned me into a crabby-pants. I know I used to love to play with my kids and I loved to go outside. Now it seems like I just want to stay inside and not push myself too hard. Why? Fear, it's as simple as that. <br />
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I know I blogged about this a while ago, but I wanted to touch on it again, because I think fear is a powerful thing. Now I see how fear controls me, and it's not so simple a thing to get around as I thought earlier. My kids don't have fear, or at least not this kind. Because of that freedom, they are willing to let themselves go where ever their imaginations will take them. Meanwhile, I'm stuck in the chair - <em>frozen</em> and unwilling to get out, unless it means walking over to another chair. <br />
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It would appear that I've got a long way to go. I only hope it doesn't take the 3 spirits of Christmas to get me out of my chains.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-14348584617963488032010-08-30T13:59:00.000-07:002010-09-19T19:57:01.399-07:00The Mind Wanders Where it WillI think I've blogged about this before, but it came to my mind again today. With the kids back in school now, I have some free time to pursure things that interest me. So today I visited my old workplace. It was fun. Everybody was glad to see me again, they made me feel very welcomed. We talked about the stuff you'd expect like, "how are the kids?", "what's new in your life?", "what are the kids doing these days?", etc. Pretty simple small talk. <br />
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Then I was able to talk with my old good friend for a little while longer and made a new discovery, or at the very least, remembered this discovery from earlier. When you are at home, or at least when I'm at home, I find myself becoming very obsessive compulsive over things I wouldn't normally think about very much. It's like these little things become very big things. For instance, getting a tire fixed on our car. It is no big deal, right? Just go get it fixed. But when that becomes your highlite for the day, it transforms into an event!<br />
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This got me thinking about what people think about when they retire. Or when someone loses a job suddenly and doesn't have immediate prospects of finding new work quickly. Or what about the stay at home Mom who has been home for a long time. In every case, I would guess this same process is at work. <br />
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Going to the store simply becomes an ordeal. Running an errand becomes so important that you expect CNN to be following you with a camera crew. Something else I notice, when you don't get a phone call from a friend or family member in a couple of days, you start imagining all sorts of ill-thoughts toward that person and wonder what you did to alienate them. Worse yet, you may begin to despise them because..."How dare they have the audacity to put their lives before yours. What could they be thinking about, obviously not you!"<br />
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That seems kind of funny I know, but I think it happens all the time. "Why?", you ask. Well it's simple. When you don't have a job to do during the day or something to occupy the bulk of your time, it's easy to place too high of importance on the day to day "stuff" of life. So missed phone calls, or simple trips to Wal-Mart become life changing circumstances worthy of complaint and judgement on your part.<br />
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I see this in people who are in similar situations to myself. It's funny because when I have something to look forward to, like my son's baseball practice, my perspective on these other events become sharper and much more appropriate. However, during this endless summer, I found my priorities woefully out of whack and my attitude toward people and things were much more stressed, as many could probably see. <br />
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So I challenge myself and anyone out there in the cyber-world who shares my situation - that being at home for extended periods of time, with very little on your plate. It can be a mine-field, frought with dangerous expectations. Do yourself and everyone around you a favor, try to <strong>keep it in perspective</strong>. I promise to do the same, but as the title suggests, "the mind wanders where it will". So, keep it on track, keep it focused and try to not get bent out of shape when that trip to the grocery store doesn't go like you planned.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-28858102727271910992010-08-22T19:11:00.000-07:002010-08-22T19:11:54.036-07:00Au Revoir'I never thought I'd say this, but thank goodness school is about to start. Of all the things I ever liked about summer vacation growing up, I find myself hating today. Let me compare and contrast for a moment.<br />
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During the summer, when I was a kid I liked...<br />
1) being outside <br />
2) not having responsibility or structure<br />
3) watching TV <br />
4) doing things my way, during part of the day anyway<br />
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During the summer as an adult, I hate...<br />
1) being outside - too dadgum hot (101 degrees as I write this at 8:45 pm)<br />
2) not having responsibility or structure<br />
3) watching TV, nothing good on<br />
4) not being able to do things my way, during part of the day anyway<br />
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That pretty much sums up my summer experience. I really felt like I was flying very much solo this summer. Even though we had a vacation and my wife seemed to be home a lot, it just felt very much like it was "me and the kids". I think I know a little more how single parents feel. You really don't get a break from the kids. Now granted, some people are cut out for that racket, but I'm not some people. I still like my time.<br />
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To make things worse, we've been experiencing several days of 100 degree temperatures. What does this mean? It means you can't go outside. So now imagine an entire summer of being couped up with energetic, easily bored children in a little house for several weeks. Think sardines!<br />
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I can honestly say that I hate summers in Texas. Now the winter time is pretty good (January thru February), but the other 10 months are pretty tough. So, once again, thank goodness for school. The kids get out of the house 2 days a week, we'll have a sense of purpose on our home school days and that leaves Friday for fun and giggles.<br />
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The <em>commencement</em> of a new school year brings hopes and adventure, but most of all, it brings a degree of freedom - for the kids and for me. <em><strong>Vive la e'cole</strong></em>Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-52918305948197313042010-08-10T20:55:00.000-07:002010-08-10T20:55:50.091-07:00Winners and Losers"<em>Dad can we play a game?</em>" This question comes my way routinely. My daughter loves to play games or maybe I should change that to, my daughter loves to <strong>win</strong> games. Hey don't we all? Winning is what made this country great but it's also what makes this country kind of bad sometimes. We are taught from very early on that we must compete, we must win, we must demolish the opponent until there is nothing left for them to do but cry in the corner.<br />
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You go to youth soccer games or baseball and you see it in the parents. They're all intense and yelling at the officials about a blown call or a score that shouldn't have been. We tend to lose perspective don't we? Shouldn't playing be about playing and having fun? Now when my son was playing baseball, I did want his team to win. The reason why, is different than you might think. <br />
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When I was a kid, my dad coached our basketball team one year - the <em><u>Blue Aces</u></em>. We went <strong>0 - 10</strong> that season. That's right, zero wins, nada, zilch-a-rooski. And yes, ouch, it was painful! We didn't have the greatest talent, but each kid got better throughout the season. Kids who couldn't dribble a basketball before the season, were able to afterwards. But still, I didn't want my son to have to go through that rough time like I did. Thankfully, his team won 2 games, albeit 1 by forfeit. <br />
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It would have been nice for his team to win a couple more games, just so he would feel competitive with the other teams. Like he was on equal standing with the other kids. I think that's important to kids and parents alike. We want to know that we can hang in there with the other folks. We don't want to embarrass ourselves or appear like we don't know how to do something. <br />
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Well, the other day my kids were playing a board game. It all started with fun and giggles, but quickly turned into what amounted to a stern disagreement over the rules of the game and conduct of the opposing player. Neither child was happy with the other. Arms were folded and sounds like "<em>humpf</em>" could be heard across the house.<br />
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With a little hesitation I dared to ask what was going on. Simultaneously, they both began talking about how the other wasn't playing the game right <strong>and</strong> how the rules said one thing <strong>and</strong> how they weren't ever going to play this game again - or something to that affect. So I finally asked them why they were playing the game? Were they playing for a grand prize like a gold medal? Were they playing for a huge payout so their parents could retire? There answer was simply, "<em>No</em>". So I asked them why they were playing again and the answer came back as clear as crystal. They were playing <u>to have fun</u>. <br />
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They lost sight of that little fact, as most kids do. The innate competitive nature and the cultural pull to come out on top, was driving them to a point where they want to <em>annihilate</em> the other person, in the game that is. I quickly reminded them of how playing games is for fun, not to see who can bury who. Then, it was like a light bulb illuminated above their little craniums. They uncrossed their arms, started giggling again and resumed their game. It eventually turned into a pretend game where the game board was a house and the game pieces were something to be avoided like the plague.<br />
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So what can we learn from this? I'm not sure. As adults, we don't really play games for real and we understand that we'll sometimes lose. But what about the game of life? No, not the one by <u><em>Milton-Bradley</em></u>, the one you're living right now. Are you obsessed with winning at everything, so much that you've pushed people away? Are you so obsessed with how you play the game that you're missing the fun along the way? Are you too worried what people will think of you if decide to pass on buying <em>Park Place</em> and buy <em>Continental Avenue</em> instead? Just something to think about before the kiddos go back to school in a couple of weeks.<br />
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Sorry, I veered off the course I started on the previous blog, but I'll return to it next time. Until then, just remember to make it fun whenever you can.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-40609805877142074932010-07-17T14:15:00.000-07:002010-07-17T14:15:40.042-07:00Mutiny on the Bounty<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_boa6iBFWte8/TEIdN0gtkFI/AAAAAAAAADQ/L6vqMQZAvB0/s1600/100_2155.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" hw="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_boa6iBFWte8/TEIdN0gtkFI/AAAAAAAAADQ/L6vqMQZAvB0/s200/100_2155.JPG" width="150" /></a>I hope to get back to my regular postings now that the events of June are distancing themselves from my rear-view mirror. The oppressive summer continues to drag on. We're back in the low 100's and my desire to go outside continues to shrink. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Camps and vacation bible school came to our rescue. For 2-3 hours each day last week, my kids got to be around other kids. They had fun playing with them, running around, making stuff and more importantly, they got out of the house. My sanity appreciated the respite as I know did theirs. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Today, they were couped up in the house while I mowed the yard, watered the plants and basically sweated off 5 gallons of liquid. Before I went outside I told them to keep the television off. When I came back inside, they were playing a very cool game of make-believe. They were submarine commanders looking for the invisible bad guys. They were using the <em><strong>Outburst</strong></em> card readers as their communication devices which were part walkie-talkie and part laptop. I guess they were kind of like <em>i-phones</em>, but without the glitches.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">As I walked around I did notice stuff all over the house. The <em><strong>Outburst</strong></em> cards, <em><strong>Pick-up Stix</strong></em> and pillows were all over the floor. I won't even try to describe their rooms (think <em>tsunami</em>). But hey, they were having the time of their lives playing submarine commanders. They were enjoying each other's company and using their imagination. Sure it may be a little harder for me as a parent because I have to pick up the house a little? If parenting were easy though, then... well I don't know. Nobody has ever thought about that. Why? Because it just isn't <strong>easy</strong>. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Have you ever read a book entitled, "<em>Nothing new in parenting</em>" or "<em>Parents have it easy</em>"? Of course not, because it's not easy. But we've all heard books like "<em>What to do when your kids misbehave</em>" or "<em>How to parent when all else has failed</em>". Yep, parenting is pretty much the hardest job around. Okay, maybe air-traffic controllers have a hard job too.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Well, with the passing of my mom, I've been thinking a lot more about my parenting. And I think I've been trying to parent my kids through talking and not by actions. For example, I would tell them to pick up their rooms, but my room wasn't exactly tidy. I'd tell them to read a book, but I wasn't reading any. Too many times, our actions do speak louder than our words. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">So what are your kids seeing when they look at you? They are perceptive little buggers aren't they? They take their cues from us. What are they taking from you? I hope my kids see me as someone who is willing to pitch in and help them with whatever they need, like the captain of a ship. Whether that be help swabbin' the deck or navigating around icebergs. I know I don't want to be someone who tells them what to do, but then isn't willing to play by the same rules myself. I think that causes them to want a new captain.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>Okay then, next week, parental job descriptions and maybe a kids job description too. You'll have to tell me if you agree with what I put in them.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-80294950829003371992010-07-10T08:02:00.000-07:002010-07-10T09:44:29.406-07:00If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_boa6iBFWte8/TDijQgTcwrI/AAAAAAAAACg/M1KCR7O008o/s1600/100_0583.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" rw="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_boa6iBFWte8/TDijQgTcwrI/AAAAAAAAACg/M1KCR7O008o/s200/100_0583.JPG" width="200" /></a>The Texas summer is in full swing. I remember living in other parts of the country and complaining about it either raining too much or snowing too much. Never did I complain about it being too sunny. But here we are in Dallas and the weather just seems to be more oppressive than usual. It is too hot to do anything. It's even too hot to go to the pool, which seems crazy I know. </div><br />
That's the thing about living in Texas that I hate most of all. When the kids are home for summer vacation and you <em><strong>should</strong></em> be able to play outside for hours on end, you simply can't - unless you lather sun block on them, give them gallons to drink, and tell them to come inside every hour or so to get a break from the 105 heat index. Add to this fact, that there is <strong>no</strong> where to go. Oh sure you can go to a city park, where the playground slide could fry a dozen eggs in less than 30 seconds. Maybe you can go to the pool, but the above rules apply there too. Where are the shaded dirt trails, where does the concrete jungle end and nature begin? Where's the harmless creek with frogs and tadpoles? Those are about 300 miles away.<br />
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You may tell me that it hasn't been bad this week, we've had lots of rain to cool things off. Sure, you would be right, but when it does rain, it comes down in buckets and it's a thunderstorm with dangerous lighting, so they can't be outside for that either. That's why the summer in Dallas really can be described as the <strong>Dog Days</strong>, because there's just nothing to do, unless you pay $30 to see a movie or play in an indoor gym somewhere that doubles as a coin-eating arcade.<br />
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Everyday my kids tell me they're bored. Everyday I have to come up with something new to keep them going. We've played just about every game we have and watched just about every movie 3 times. Throw in my mom's funeral and you can see why this has been a particularly difficult summer on the children. I wish the weather would literally "chill out" for a while. But until that happens, we'll remain "<strong><em>Hapless in Dallas</em></strong>".Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-57705538734014098092010-06-24T20:44:00.000-07:002010-07-10T09:47:45.691-07:00Turn Out the Lights or at least Shine Them Over There<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_boa6iBFWte8/TDij1NhQslI/AAAAAAAAACo/5j_S5sP8Hf0/s1600/100_1595.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" rw="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_boa6iBFWte8/TDij1NhQslI/AAAAAAAAACo/5j_S5sP8Hf0/s200/100_1595.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>As the day of our mom's funeral nears, I am wondering if I should say a few words during the ceremony. I think I would like to but am a little hesitant, as these honors can sometimes be viewed as attention grabs by the person giving the speech. I would not want my sisters to think my actions and words would be to edify or pump myself up in the eyes of our precious guests. I guess that is what is so great about blogging, you can say stuff in a surprisingly honest and direct way, without feeling the judgments of your readers. Now when I spoke at my Dad's memorial, I didn't overthink this at all. I was just so moved to tell the world how much I admired that man, who had so deeply shaped and molded my life.<br />
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With Mom, it was a little different. She helped shape me, but I never knew she was doing it. Her way was patently less direct than Dad's. You see, she always took the backseat and never once desired the limelight for herself. She was simply, "<em><strong>Phil's wife</strong></em>". She didn't want the name recognition or the applause. She was satisfied to be a behind-the-scenes worker. Making sure her family was cared for; getting dinner on the table; clothes washed; house picked up. These were never obsessed over at the price of her relationship with her family, but rather simple tasks to be completed because that was what you did. The house had to be clean, because that meant it was. The dinner had to be on the table, because the family needed to eat.<br />
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She had a gentle and serene character. Slow to anger and quick to hug. Her idea of cussing was to say, "<em>jiminy christmas</em>". She never met anyone who didn't immediately fall in love with her. Strangely, I was reminded of her by a movie I saw a couple of weeks ago. The premise of the movie was that everyone told the truth, no matter how difficult it was. Nobody ever lied. The cameras panned a cemetery where a tombstone read, "<u>Here lies an average woman who lived an average life</u>." That got me thinking about different things and what we might put on our mom's tombstone. I believe the following would fit perfectly, "Here lies an ordinary woman who made life extraordinary for everyone else."<br />
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On the surface, there really wasn't much to my mom, until you started peeling away the layers. The first layer is where you found her kind spirit. The second layer is where you would discover her generous and ever present smile. The next is where she kept her humility, a gift from the Lord to be sure. Further down, you'd find her fierce patience. Next came her desire to sacrifice. Finally, you'd see her loving heart. Her heart which only became larger as she grew older.<br />
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Part of my job this week was to call her friends to inform them of her passing. Every single one of them had the following to say about our mom. "<em>There are no finer people than your mom. I know you kids are good because you came from good stock. Thanks for calling us because we just loved your mom so much. We couldn't have asked for better friends. We've known lots of people, but your mom stood above them all</em>." <br />
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Compliments like these are what people say when they get the "<em>someone died phone call</em>". But I believe the emotions and tears that these words were spoken through tell more than the actual words. I would like to think their one friend's comment will come true. The one who said, "<em>I know you kids are good because you came from good stock</em>." To be honest with you, that's a hard thing to live up to. I'm not sure I can. But I think I need to start trying.<br />
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We could all learn a lot from my mom. She was a simple person from a simple family and just about one-third of her life was lived with Alzheimer's. But she served everyone with her words, her actions, her habits, her work ethic, her decisions, her love, and then her smile, her toe taps as she listened to her music, and finally her gentle, yet lost gaze. She was a model of love and humility for all of us to follow.<br />
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Does this make her more special than anyone else. Not really, because lots of people can be described in this way. But it does make her a member of a wonderful, yet sometimes too exclusive of a club. A club where the only membership dues, are to care about other people more than you care for yourself. <br />
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So how will you be remembered? What contributions will you have made? What's important in your life? Are you lost and not sure where to turn next? Then follow our mom's example. Work hard, keep a good house, care about your spouse and kids more than yourself, look for ways to put the spotlight on others and away from yourself. Try orbiting the center of someone else's universe for awhile, instead of expecting others to orbit around you. Go to church and love everyone, just as Christ does. This won't take your disease away, but I promise, it will enable you to live despite your condition. And don't we all truly want to live rather than just simply exist? Isn't that why we were created; to live? <br />
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So don't put it off. The lesson learned is simple. Live life, love people, serve your fellow human and get out of your own way. Because you never know what might happen next.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-57682156572201194872010-06-23T15:03:00.000-07:002010-06-23T15:03:17.274-07:00Half full or half empty?After 21 years, my mom finally succumbed to the ravages of Alzheimer's Disease. She was 74 years old. As we sat down at her bedside these last couple of days, I was a-flood with memories of her. Times when she was there and times when she wasn't quite. It was a little too much of a roller coaster ride for me at times. Unfortunately, my best memories are from recent years when she was less interactive. In these last years, she spent much of her day sitting down, listening to music. We had to feed her, change her, bathe her, etc. Every once in a while, she'd flash a smile or would say, "uh huh!" when we told her that we loved her. Those were the times we looked forward to the most and hence, stand out in my mind.<br />
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Everytime she seemed to offer a purposeful response, we'd brag about it to each other. We'd say, "Mom did this or Mom did that". It was like she was holding these little nuggets in reserve just to dole them out in enough quantities to make us feel like we were still her kids, rather than just caretakers. Although, this is a stretch and wishful thinking on my part, it still helped us through. And if you knew my mom 22 years ago, you'd say, "<em>Oh yes, that is just like your mom</em>", because it <strong>was just like her</strong>.<br />
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Even in her last state, which I'm sure was pure misery, she appeared to give rather than take. That is how I choose to remember my mom. She was a giver, never once thinking of her own situation. I think back to when I was 11 years old and there was 1 piece of apple pie left. There was never a question as to who would get it. Mom always gave it to whoever was in line behind her. Then she'd go get the ice cream to make it just perfect. She was that kind of a woman.<br />
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My preacher said we have now joined the ranks of the orphans in the world. Although our mom is now deceased, we won't have to worry about her suffering anymore. I'm curious how us kids will respond to the sudden injection of normalcy into our lives. No longer do we have the burden of caring for our mom hanging over our decisions in life. We are now free to engage the world, free to engage our own families without the excuses of having to care for someone else. How will they respond to our attentiveness? How will we put aside our fears and face our own lives? I'll have to admit, it's been very convenient at times, to simply say to people, "Sorry, I can't do that, I have to take care of my mother that day." That excuse is no longer here.<br />
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I guess we'll have to all grow up a little bit. I guess we all have to realize we're adults and so we need to live adult-like lives. Once the excuses are peeled away, you're left exposed and that can be a fearful time. So, I'll keep everyone up to date on how we are progressing. Hopefully, we'll follow the examples our parents gave us and meet life head on without excuses and without reservations. I think it's time we all saw life as something to be enjoyed rather than something to be avoided.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-46703125084021669422010-06-19T21:42:00.000-07:002010-06-19T21:46:11.492-07:00Pass the Deodorant PleaseYou can put another summer vacation in the books. We're back from our wonderful destination and everyone survived, although the heat almost did me in. We went to a remote beach location in Texas called <em><strong>Surfside</strong></em>. It's south of <em><strong>Galveston</strong></em> about 40 minutes. Let me tell you, there is nothing there but beach and of course, the <u>National Petroleum Reserve</u>. That's right, we were down and to the left of huge refineries, chemical and processing plants, and other rather <u>hazardous</u> looking facilities. <br />
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When we first arrived, I was a little concerned that we had taken a wrong turn past Houston. But our <em>Google Maps</em>' directions proved to be accurate. I swear, I have never seen so much <strong>piping</strong> in my life. Acres upon acres of the stuff, just going on for...well, acres. Mixed in with this <em>black gold,</em> <em>Texas Tea (to quote the Beverly Hill Billies)</em> was a prison, which as it turns out, was just a stone's throw away from the refineries.<br />
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I've got to say, I was a little nervous that one of us might start glowing in the dark or get kidnapped by an escaped convict. But everyone should be proud of me, as I was able to put those fears aside and focus purely on the task at hand, which was to make sure my kids had a good time, even in the oppressing arm-pit that surrounded our little beachhouse.<br />
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As parents, we tend to see all the dangerous stuff, we see what <em>might</em> happen. Kids, well they just see adventure. To them, it's an opportunity to play and use their imagination. They have an uncanny ability to see beyond the metal pipes and oil drums to find the beach with shells being washed ashore. I believe that was the lesson I learned this trip. I shouldn't let my worries get in the way of a good time. I think I'm supposed to enjoy the moment more and worry less about the "uh-ohs" or the "watch-outs". Now obviously, I do have parental responsibilities to keep my kids safe and all that, but I shouldn't obssess over it like I do. Not every shell on the beach is hiding a tar-ball and not every tide is going to bring in a man-eating shark which would quite naturally threaten the life or limbs of my children.<br />
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Strangely, I guess that's part of something else that I miss about my old work; all the worry that came with it. "<em>Will I get the project done in time? Can I prove to everyone that I have control over the situation?</em>". These were actual thoughts that ran through my mind. I thought of them on a daily basis back when I worked at my job in the hospital. So many times, I've tried to find an outlet for what I miss about work or I look for a substitute, but as I think about it though, perhaps, I don't need a substitute for this at home. Or perhaps, I should just let this one go. But worrying is like a comfortable pair of slippers. It just feels right to some people, people like me.<br />
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But now that I'm back and I'm recognizing this for the first time, I think I'll try to retire some of my worrying. You know, be a little more child-like and see the world through their lenses every so often; just to help me keep a little perspective. <br />
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Come to think of it, the beaches were a lot of fun and the seaweed wasn't that bad. And the oil, well none of it washed ashore and we didn't see the refineries unless we drove by them, which we only did when we arrived and left. So I guess we did have a good time, despite my adult attempts at making the vacation out to be some hot, humid and smelly body part.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3301542092926819034.post-22610086965319003042010-06-12T12:37:00.000-07:002010-07-10T14:40:45.299-07:00Most Valuable Player<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_boa6iBFWte8/TDjoY4pHVhI/AAAAAAAAADA/MEmTcPIwcN4/s1600/sam+2010+baseball+119.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" rw="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_boa6iBFWte8/TDjoY4pHVhI/AAAAAAAAADA/MEmTcPIwcN4/s320/sam+2010+baseball+119.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>We just came home from our last little league event. It was closing ceremonies, where all the teams get on the fields and the trophies get handed out. Four of the teammates showed up for the closing ceremonies. All of us were in the outfield listening to the speakers and coaches make their announcements. It was easy to find us, we were the team that had 3 of the 4 players fighting each other, while all the other "teams" sat quietly and listened. I'm proud to say, that my son was the only member of his team who was sitting their in a respectful manner.<br />
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Then came the announcements of the "all-stars" and best sportsmanship awards for each age group. I leaned over to ask our coach how they determined who was an all-star or not and he shrugged his shoulders and said he didn't know. Meanwhile, his son and another boy from our team were recognized as all-stars. Now, I don't want to be one of "those parents", so I'll word this in a way as to not offend anyone. I can totally understand why the coach's son was an allstar, but the other kid, I'm not too sure about. He didn't get a hit all year and he gave up the most runs of any of our pitchers. Trust me, I know, those were l-o-n-g innings when he pitched. Then I spoke to a coach from another team who said the coaches nominate the players for allstar. This just gives another example of how difficult it was for my son to learn and play baseball this year. He tried hard and improved all year, was the team's best hitter, played tight defense and yet didn't get allstar recognition. Oh well, that's just the way of the world I guess. Better he learn the lesson now than when he's 25 and gets passed over for a promotion. <br />
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After the ceremonies they had a last exhibition game where players from all the different teams get mixed up and play for fun. It's one giant game used to show sportsmanship. So my boy played in that game alongside some Yankees and Mudcats. He had a great time and his team actually won by the score of 2-0. Again, it was an exhibition game, but the kids played like it was the World Series, especially my son. Afterall, this was his playoff game. He was finally on a team of players who knew how to play baseball and whose coaches knew what was going on.<br />
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So how did my son do during the game you may ask? Let me tell you as the proud parent that I am. He drove in 2 runs on a sharp single. Yes, for those keeping track, those would be the 2 winning runs! I have to hand it to the little slugger, he came into a clutch situation and delivered. But what I'm most proud of, is how he behaves in the duggout and how he shows everyone respect. He's my MVP.Administratorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14072990478887324119noreply@blogger.com0